iQ, mEq, uQ, eQ, WeQ

While working on my website and emails today, a tweet popped up about college students and getting grades for their emotional intelligence.
I clicked on the link and read through the artical.  I reminded me of the book published in 1998 called “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”


The question was whether college students should be given grades for emotional intelligence?    (the question)

Then I read a comment from a person who asked “give credit for breathing?”   That got me thinking — look out folks.   I’m back at it again, analyzing.   So, consider the fact that at age nine I started learning to play oboe.  My lungs not yet fully developed (that process is completed at age 12), and there I was holding an instrument in my hands in which I had to, ever so slowly, hold and control my breath.   hmmm, I think.  I became a professional oboist about 12 years later (getting paid to perform and/or teach).   Did I get “credit” for breathing or for controling my breath?   I sorta think so.   You can see my breath condensate (my science knowledge) on the inside of this oboe.  Does that makes my invisible breath real?


At what point will we as humans, begin to accept that emotions ARE part of our existence.   They are as real (or unreal, sometimes) as our breath.  Emotions ARE real.  Ask the folks who lost a loved one in one of the countless, senseless shootings across this country and world.   What is the worst part of a death — not the loss of the body — but the loss of the spirit of the person, the personality, the air space the person occupied, the feelings that came WITH the person.   Emotions can not be replaced with things or money.   They ARE real.  They need to heal just as any other part of our body needs to heal after a “boo boo” or down right surgery.   Emotions are housed in our brains.

Subjective. Sure.  So is art, music, writing, reading, dance, sports, medicine, lanquage, science.  Lots of subjects are subjective.  What we need is a form of measurement like the mathmeticians have managed to get to work in their favor.   “It’s all about the numbers.”  — one of my very unfavorite comments in the last year.   There are SO many aspects of life that are “priceless” that have nothing to do with numbers.

iQ vs eQ (the difference)

Poder These:

iQ – intelligence quotient (answer)

eQ – emotional quotient (answer)

mEq – abbreviation for milliequivalent

hiQ – (answer)

uQ – university quotient — OK, this was odd

WeQ – wind erosion eQuation, worry emotionality questionaire, war event questionaire, work experience questionaire (check this out)

wiQ – Waring Intimacy Questionaire, Walking Impairment Questionaire, (huh?)

theyQ – alien emotions — just kiddin’ (or not?)

I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream. (answer)

The Long and Winding Road

The path to peace is a long and winding road for survivors of violence.
There may be no guiderails. We get near the edge or end of the road often feeling discouraged.
But when we look around, we discover great beauty and comfort during our travel to wellness.


A problem that really exists – Media, Advertising, Family.
People believe and perpetuate what they see, read and hear.

Time to Heal
End the old
Begin the new
Reflect and hope
This is a safer year.
Meet new people
Find new places
Comfort and help
This is a better year.
Replace a memory
Discover a talent
Peace and laughter
This is a happier year.

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I’ve seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here?
Let me know the way

Many times I’ve been alone
And many times I’ve cried
Anyway you’ll never know
The many ways I’ve tried

And still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don’t leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door

But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don’t keep me waiting here
Lead me to your door


Fall2011 – Voices

Winter2012 – Voices

Summer2012 – Voices

Fall2012 – Voices

Crochet to Comfort

There were 2 magazines that “mysteriously” appeared in my mailbox a few months ago. It has been at least 8 years since I subscribed to a magazine.  I had no time to read the articles, didn’t want to spend money, plus I would need to dispose of outdated issues. My name was purposely put on a mailing list — a lesser form of harassment than stalking. The first magazine I cancelled, but I didn’t get to cancel the 2nd magazine.  It arrived Monday.

I looked at the table of contents, scanned the recipes and then spotted a short article that caught my attention: Handmade scarves for traumatized women.  I knew women who crocheted, knit or sewed hats for cancer victims, but I never heard of anyone making something for victims of abuse.   A young woman, age 29 (I’m over 50. She’s young to me) suffered from depression earlier in her life as a result of trauma.  At the suggestion of her therapist, she decided to re-explore a craft she learned as a child — crocheting.   Within a few months JoHanna gave away the 15 scarves she crocheted to other abuse survivors.

Now JoHanna continues to create comfort through crocheted scarves and offers them to girls and women through her website.

If you know of anyone (even yourself) who needs a special boost of comfort to continue moving forward through life, contact JoHanna.   She will wrap you with woven warmth to heal your head and heart.

Participation in art, crafts, music, reading have always provided therapeutic comfort for people in need.   JoHanna has found HER voice through her crochet hook and she creates scaves for strength to girls and women who have thankfully survived their episode of abuse.   Thank you JoHanna!



11 Nov 2012

by sakshivashist

As days go by 

and scars go dry

There’s still healing to be done

for a somewhere someone

Who was hurt

By decision of others

And steps were taken

Which turn things around

Till peace was nowhere to be found

and yet the conscience

Blamed and flamed

Each day in da agony

Of what happened

And what further could have had

– But no force

Could control a withering heart

Enclosing a despise for all those

Who had laughed 

the whole while

when a soul stood there

Controlling its cries

For solace and

unearthed facts and pictures

Which might prove the


Of what happened that day

And what also could have happened if they

Took a step ahead

and miscalculated instead

Heal Your Head

How to Heal your Mind

by Phyllis Capanna

Created on: March 20, 2008

First, accept that mind is not reality. Mind is not you. Mind is…mind.

Thoughts are to mind as clouds are to sky. Don’t get caught believing in your thoughts any more than you would believe in a cloud. They both pass. Notice, appreciate, admire even, but don’t believe them!

Heal your mind by ignoring it and attending to the moment. What is right in front of you? Pay full attention to it. Minute attention. Exquisite and rapt attention. Attend with the same sense of preciousness as you would if it were the last thing on earth you will ever be aware of.

// Heal your mind by feeding it well. Instead of listening and obeying, rise above and find high quality food for your mind. Read ideas that elevate and stretch your sense of what is possible. Discard consensus ideas! Consensus is based upon the lowest common denominator, what everyone can agree is possible. These ideas are useful for navigating in the world, but don’t believe them, either.

Learn a new skill. Follow your curiosity.

Listen to music. Better, make music.

Inhabit your body. This is a very effective way to heal the mind. Inhabit your hands, your belly, your legs . Pay attention to that amazing organism, the divine animal that you are. Stretch and feed the body. If you can’t do that, appreciate it for the miracle that it is. Think of whoever or whatever designed cells and mitochondria, cilia, corpuscles! Wow!

Heal your mind by talking lovingly out loud to yourself. Cherish yourself. Fall in love with yourself. If you can’t feel it, pretend. Just say the words.

Heal your mind by connecting with people you love. Strike up new friendships, especially with people you admire. Treat everyone as if they were God.

The mind is suggestible, malleable, and highly receptive. Keep it clean, like a mirror, then make sure to surround yourself with things that will make a reflection you enjoy dwelling upon.

It takes practice to begin to see the mind as something to rise above, to be able to see around behind it, and to place your awareness in the higher self that is pure, wise, calm, and joyful.

That practice, for many, is some form of meditation. For others, the meditation is in doing something well and completely. Others prefer the word contemplation. But whatever you do, don’t contemplate the contents of the mind. Instead, turn your awareness to the higher planes, the source of life, the mystery, the incomprehensible.

It is here that peace and healing exist.

It is here that you can begin to realize that you are already healed, already whole.

Music for Minds

Yesterday I had the pleasure of “meeting” someone online who has the title “Sound Frequency Practitioner.”  We met because she uses a Korg DT-12 metronome in her practice.  I prefer the Korg AT-12 model more.

“Our voice has the ability to keep us well physically, mentally and emotionally.  If we are missing certain notes in our voice then we are out of balance in these areas.  If a person is missing F in the voice then that person will have corresponding physical and emotional problems.  For instance the note of F corresponds to the kidneys, bladder and heart.” Joy eagerly shares her insight.

Neuro Note Chart
This chart shows the correlation between notes in a scale and related physical and emotional health considerations.

Joy continues to write “Do you remember how the voice of a depressed person sounds?  They talk in a monotone.  Their voice has only a few notes, no life, no energy, just like their physical body.
Twenty years ago scientists discovered a link between depression and cancer.”

She continues, “Agents of healing need to begin to test their client’s voices and teach them to tone these weak and missing notes.  Once the person is healed then the person can maintain that healing by sounding all 12 notes in their voice. What is the significance of 12?  This number is powerful.  There were 12 disciples, 12 zodiac signs (12 fruits), 12 months, 12 colors, 12 notes in the musical scale, the Tree of life bore 12 fruits, King Arthur had 12 knights, and there were the 12 tribes of Israel.”

“Scientists say that the frequency of the earth is measured and that the earth is vibrating at 7.83 Hertz.  Find out more detailed information about how scientists and spiritual leaders determine the Earth’s frequency.”

Ms Wallen offers Vibrational Acceleration Workshops about frequencies for healing emotional, mental and spiritual toxicity and how to do voice analysis in order to determine weak or missing frequencies.

Discovering Danny

There are so many possibilities and so much amazing information to be discovered online.   The vastness and clearness of images makes me feel as if I met this person.   I haven’t met Danny Gregory, but I’m already in awe of his abilities and creativity.   I’m impressed with how organized he keeps his kitchen and art supplies . . . I’m certain that gives him more time to work on his craft.  Perhaps he has a personal organizer or cleaning company to help him.

If it weren’t that I am so busy developing and posting on my blogs, I’d be painting, composing, performing — oh, alas, I’m WRITING and healing.

Plants and Peace

The benefits of tending house plants is multi-level.  I have always enjoyed indoor plants.  I’ve tried many times to keep them as part of my environment — but there are a few challenges for me.

I’d purchase a beautiful basket filled with succulent plants and within 3 months, they’d expire.
The trouble I had with plants is very basic — water.  I’d forget to water them!

The second trouble I’ve had with plants — is my Talented Tabby, Leo would chose to sleep right in the middle of the potted plant.   My plants couldn’t survive his body or his teeth chewing on their leaves.

Then there’s the third, largest issue — NO place to call home to house a plant inside.  I did purchase several of my favorite plants this summer just to put on the back porch.    Thank goodness Carmel (my cat) doesn’t like eating or sleeping in plants, because their is hope for me getting greenery someday to house in my new residence.

Bully Pulpit and Paper

A notice was in my in box from Facebook was waiting for me today. I don’t always have time to click and open all the notices, but this came from a long-time family member. There has been quite a lot of press for the last couple years about bullying. I contend that bullying is the precursor to abuse — so we need to keep working to train all ages to recognize and reduce bullying before all our lightly funded Domestic Violence Centers are even more overloaded with victims. My title’s history comes from an expression by Theodore Roosevelt from the early 1900s.  (He had trouble with his BULLYing wildlife — many were mounted on his walls.)

“A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now… even though they said………… they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home. Copy and paste this if you are against bullying.”

As a survivor of DV, education is only a step in providing important information. No matter how much we know and understand, there are ways a “bully” or full fledge abuser can be slow and cunning in their effect to slowly take over and work against another person. The signs are there, however they can be masked through “classic” techniques and many modern means.

Click here for instructions to make an origami swan.

The “crumpled paper” analogy provides a visual and physical teaching tool and will reach those who make the choice to apply it to their life long learning. Sadly, there will be some crumpled papers that will be tossed in a trash can, burned in a barrel, passed over by police — and lost to the legal system.

For those of us who stay true to a higher “CIVILized” character, the behavior of bullies has to be stopped before it becomes CRIMINAL. The line of demarcation is not very wide.

I experienced clever, slick long-term bullying within the walls of a former “marriage” and “home.” I also experienced first hand the bullying through insensitive funded institutions, community counsel and predatory placement of proprietors.

My final solution to the bulling I’ve had to bear?   Turn the crumpled paper in to an Origami swan!

Coffee Conversation

Here at the big “….bucks” cafe, youth are in and out at a steady pace. I’m positioned in a corner spot to be unobtrusive and so I can study, write and observe. The music is a bit loud for my taste but a nice mix of tunes condusive to study. The air is refreshingly cool (a little chilly). The round faux-marble table with antique style base is the right height for me to type. The bench seat is surprisingly comfortable.

Three of my former employees who were forced out of our coffeehouse along with me last September, remarked this past July that they couldn’t go to any other coffee places. They couldn’t accept the formal presentation, almost sterile environment and mediocre drinks with no customization.   They were also trying to heal from what transpired only months earlier to their beloved place of employment.  I, however, don’t have a problem sitting in a different coffeeshop anymore. I know, without a doubt, that my establishment was truely the best ever — unique to the max. My “shop” was comfortable, charming, intriguing, powerful, expressive, spontaneous – – it absolutely radiated life.

My five lively businesses were  “put down” — verbally, spiritually, mentally and financially as had been going on behind the scenes for years.
My multiple life careers (all involving people, not machines) were killed – a pre-meditated act.  When the abusive spouse set out to destroy everything I created, worked to build, and successfully managed (personally AND financially), he was effective in terrorizing us out of OUR coffeeHOUSE with the aid of a vindictive “lawyer” neighbor.   Wow, Mr vO is really enjoying the parking lot my parents paid to pave for MY customers.

Be right back — have to open a space for another customer . . .

Swan and Cygnet Cappuccino

OK — got in my car and drove to another location — secluded for my serenity . . .

Check out this beautiful swan and cygnet cappuccino — a reminder of the artistic, creative preparation of drinks we prepared.

There I was in the *coffeeshop* with two college girls next to me chatting as if in a schoolyard playground about guys and their observations of them on campus.  It was certainly a much more open discussion than what transpired 30 years ago when I was a Co-ed.  Back then, we had our space — our sensibility — our subtle scrutiny.    We were in a public venue.

Now, we have pods for coffee — little packs of liquid and energy.      So many people want everything quick, easy, convienient.    The young ladies left in 20 minutes – probably the maximum level of concentration for an above average young adult.     Where are the filters — coffee or otherwise — that formally defined our conversations?

Comfort Tunes

U2 – Beautiful Day

This song kicked off U2’s memorable performance at halftime of Super Bowl XXXVI before a nation still grieving from the horrific events of September 11, 2001. The power of this anthem to comfort and encourage perseverance is possibly best represented by the first two lines of the song “The heart is a bloom / Shoots up from the stony ground.”

Sarah McLachlan – Angel

The simple beauty in Sarah McLachlan’s lyrics about seeking comfort and refuge “in the arms of an angel” are significantly enhanced by the ethereal beauty of her voice. This song is perfect for providing quiet comfort when the storms of life become intense.

Mariah Carey – Hero

This is one of Mariah Carey’s most enduring hits and is centered on the reassurance that ultimately the hero “lies in you.” The lyrics are delivered with the power of one of the great voices in pop music.

R.E.M. – Everybody Hurts

Beginning with the words “When the day is long and the night is yours alone,” and ending with “Everybody hurts. You are not alone,” this is a song to provide support that is needed to make it through painful darkness in life. No song has ever been more convincing in assuring you that you are truly not alone.

James Taylor – You’ve Got a Friend

There has never been a song that is a more powerful tribute to the value of friendship. Carole King wrote and recorded the original version, but it is James Taylor’s gentle performance that is the classic interpretation.

John Lennon – Imagine

This simple visionary song has given comfort to millions for nearly 35 years. The heart can find great solace in John Lennon’s vision of a world living and being “as one.”

Simon and Garfunkel – Bridge Over Troubled Water

The spirit is guaranteed to brighten as Art Garfunkel’s voice takes flight in the final moments of this classic. At one point during its development, “Bridge Over Troubled Water” was called simply “Hymn,” and it does indeed have a hymn-like quality celebrating the power of someone simply being there to help ease troubled times.

Beatles – Let It Be

There are many times in which the three words “Let it be” are “words of wisdom.” Although the lyrics may have originally been written in reference to interpersonal difficulties within the Beatles, the song does possess a universality that makes “Let It Be” one of the great pop songs of all time.

Sarah McLachlan – Angel

The simple beauty in Sarah McLachlan’s lyrics about seeking comfort and refuge “in the arms of an angel” are significantly enhanced by the ethereal beauty of her voice. This song is perfect for providing quiet comfort when the storms of life become intense.

Elton John’s 1973 album, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Candle in the Wind was written originally in reply to Marilyn Monroe’s untimely death but contains the universal theme of loss.